First time dalam hidup aku, aku rase tertekan yang amat utk satu hari.. memang rase macam nak mencarut je.. nak sepak2 (gune kaki) orang je.. kesian member2 dekat and wife aku, sume kene marah je.. Sorry bebanyak...

Nape aku tertekan?? sebab.. hari ni mungkin bukan hari terakhir aku kat ofis lame ni... tensenn... aku dah menyampah gile ngan company ni.. rase nak cabut je trus.. cube korang bayangkan, hari ni hari last aku, tp pagi2 lagi ade orang email kat satu department suruh HOD aku jgn sign aku nye clearance form sbb aku x siap keje.. macam &^%(*^(^*! kan??? Padahal aku mmg nak bg kat die hari ni.. memang aku dah bajet nak bg sume keje aku kat die hari ni... aku tau la aku salah sebab melambat2kan proses utk siapkan keje tu, tapi aku dah janji ngan die aku nak bg sblm aku resign... mmg aku nak bg pon... tensen gile aku... lagi satu... HOD aku lak same je.. macam ^%$&^%!... die dah tau hari ni last day aku, saje je xnak datang ofis.. buat2 g client.. macam la die tu penting sangat...

x pernah aku setensen and semarah ni.. kalo nk aku stay kt sini, bg la better offer... ini x.. gune cara x elok.. mane aku x marah.. aku dah plan dah ape yang aku akan buat utk cuti aku ni.. skang ni mcm mane? smpt ke aku msk petronas?? TENSEENNNNNNNN!!!!!

Bunyi macam best kan??? hehehehe hadiah ape ni?? kereta ke? rumah ke? barang letrik ke? bukan.. bukan...

disebabkan kebosanan yang melandai jiwaku yang amat terlampau, aku pon buat la keje yang aku suke - buat bajet!! hehehe memang setiap hari aku akan update aku nye bajet... brape aku spend sehari, aku beli ape, byr ape, sume nye aku record.. biasela... "run your life like you run a business"... yang penting bajet and akaun.. kalo x tau urus duit lingkup bisnes, in this case, my life maa... so.. hari ni aku nak bagi member2 yang bace blog ni bajet yang aku buat.. All For Free!!! hehehehe

sebab ape aku nak bagi? hehehe saje2 je... sebelum aku rekod sume bajet aku, memang aku enjoy x igt nye la.. dapat gaji tiap2 bulan je, abis... xde simpan langsung.. tambah2 mase aku bujang dulu.. memang x kisah langsung duit aku kemane... memang rugi... hehehehe

so... sekarang aku dah buat bajet.. jadi kedekut sikit.. bukan ape.. kedekut tu utk mase depan aku n keluarga aku.. tambah2 ade member baru akan datang.. xpe.. sanggup berkorban sekarang daripada aku menyusahkan keluarga aku mase depan nnt.. heii... mencabar btul bile dah kawin ni.. hehehe tp xpe.. Bring it on... I will give my best to overcome it...

disebabkan aku dah jadi kedekut, aku nak gak member2 aku jadi kedekut.. hehehe kedekut bertempat la... hidup ikut kemampuan.. tu yang penting.. satu pengajaran yang paling pahit skali aku blajar sebab terlambat sedar... kalo boleh, x nak aku belajar cara susah ni.. kan bagus kalo ade org bgtau aku awal2 pasal bende2 ni.. tp xpe la.. skang ni aku try utk pusing balik keadaan yang dah sedia terbalik. hehehe

ok.. as promised, ni die file nye.. Belanjawan 2008.. korang right click and "save target as".

aku siap buatkan contoh utk dijadikan rujukan.. Utk gune bajet yang aku buat ni, korang kne updatekan perbelanjaan korang setiap hari according to ITEM yang aku dah specify.. jadi senang.. die akan update sendiri kat rumusan punye page.. senang korang nak tgk nnt brape korang blanje bulan2.. hehehehe harap korang pahamla... oh ye.. aku dah lock kan mane2 cell yang x sepatutnye korang tukar...

harap2 bajet aku ni dapat tolong korang macam aku... tp.. kalo korang ade idea utk ditambahkan, plz comment... kalo x btul pon, plz comment.. sebab aku nak gak tau feedback utk aku nye bajet ni...

ok.. itu je utk kali ni... chow...

again... today is full of feelings of boringness(is that a word?).. why?? like i've already explained, I'm resigning.. so there's nothing much for me to do (actually ade, cume xde mood. hehehe)..

this morning, my "brilliant" HOD(head of department) came to me and ask me,

   Boss    : "How are you? You're resign stuff all finished already right?"

   Me       : "Yeah.. thank you for help.."

   Boss    : "So.. you finish up all your work before you leave, and if you have anything else to sign, you tell me.."

   Me       : "Dont worry, I'm working on it.. After I'll finished my works, I'll need you to sign for my resignation form. Thanks for your help.."

   Boss    : "Ok"

So.. from the dialogue above, what am I trying to highlight? Did I just include that dialoge to fill up my entry? hahahaha yes and no.. Yes.. I'm trying to fill up my entry with the dialogue but I also want to highlight the fact that I'm being nice to my HOD.. Why is that a big deal? well.. it is for me as I've never been nice to him before.. just imagine, during a "talk" with him, I SMS my wife right in front of his face.. its like he's not in the same room as me.. I know its impolite and rude but its not exactly my fault either.. he would normally talk about things that were not do-able (again, is it a word?) and just plain stupid nonsense.. hehehehe

What am I implying here?? Well.. It is about something that I heard last weekend from one of my elder cousin (abang sedara ipar. hehehe). What did he said? It's this:

   "Kita bile keje jangan nak komplen2 and mengeluh.. ape keje yang bos kite bagi kat kita, kita buat je.. bukan ape, tu tanggungjawab kita.. salah macam mane pon, die tetap bos kita.. die yang bagi makan kat kita.. kalo x, x berkat keje kita tu..."

Roughly translated, respect your boss and never mope in office (just do your work).. Just imagine, a security guard can come up with a very wise word to an executive... makes me wonder just how clever are executives in real life..  

When I first heard the words, it strikes me, makes me think.. What he's saying is true and I haven't been nice to my HOD ever.. that's why I could never make it here.. that's why I dont feel like I belong here in the office... that's why I didnt get promoted.. hehehe and that's why I resigned and go to other place for a fresh new start..

also.. when I heard the words, I remembered what I've red a few days back. A book on "How to get on top". It's basically a book on how to climb the corporate ladder.. Honestly, I didnt read the whole book. Just a portion of it (what do you expect, I was in the MPH bookstore for only an hour).. what i red was... dont mope... why?? simply because moping did not came naturally, it's rather came with an option. To mope, or not to mope? that is the question... hheheheheh if you choose to mope instead of showing them all your worth, you will end up working half heartedly.. you will become sluggish.. you will become unimportant... and I've felt it because I have chose to mope... but I also have chosen to move to another workplace in which I think is a really good decision.. hahahahaha

So.. the moral for this entry.. dont mope... just do it... show them just how much you worth... Oh ya.. for those who doesnt know what mope is.. It is definitely not a cleaning tool you use to make your floors look cleaner and nicer... Mope is to sulk or in malay is merajuk... So.. ade telinga korang dengar, ade mata korang lihat, ade mulut korang cakap, ade otak.. korang pikir la sendiri.. chow... 

Ini adalah tajuk blog yang paling bosan skali... sebab ape? minggu ni mmg aku bosan gile... nak keje pon malas... nak resign la katekan, mane ade semangat...

tadi mase tgh lepak2 surf internet, secretary ofis aku tunjuk kat aku handphone die. gile la... handphone nokia ape bende ntah!! yang aku tau mahal la.. plg kurang pon 1.3k. aku pon x mampu nak beli camtu.. pastu borak2 la ngan die. die kate suami die dapat bonus 10 bulan.. perghh... gile banyak.. nak tau tak suami die keje ape n kat mane?? hehehehe driver CIMB.. sedih sekejap aku bile aku tau.. mane x nye.. aku ni exec tapi gaji ciput, bonus x yah cakap la.. driver lagi banyak duit dari aku.. hahahahaha

oh ye.. pastu secretary tu cakap yang CIMB tgh cari driver.. menarik gak aku pikir.. jd driver dpt sume2 tu.. tanggungjawab lagi kurang dr exec, tp duit ok... tp kan..sanggup ke aku turun pangkat??? aku tau ramai yang akan ber"cakap" kalo aku jadi driver.. tul x? mane x nye, blaja tinggi2 nk jd driver je.. mane kelas.. hehehehe tp.. bagi aku, pangkat bukan pengukur.. kalo jadi tukang sapu sampah, aku boleh dapat lagi byk dr jd exec, aku akan buat.. pangkat x penting.. yang penting duit tu ok.. kelakar care pemikiran aku kan??

tp.. aku memang la x kan jd driver.. sebab nye?? aku x tahan jam... kalo jam je, badan aku naik 5 darjah celcius. tanduk tumbuh, mulut, kaki, tangan sume x boleh kawal.. hehehe kalo ade org2 yang kerek mase jam tu lagi la.. x pon yang jenis main bagi2 lampu and hon2.. abis minyak aku kejar org tu nanti.. hehehe bahaya btul la..

td aku cek expenses aku bulan lepas.. mak aih... rugi tu.. aku terover belanja bulan lepas.. walaupon amoun tu skit, tp still telebih blanje.. konsep hidup aku sekarang ialah.. run our life like we run a business... nape? sebab kalo aku x buat camtu, aku xkan senang... blanje je ikut sesuka hati aku... umpamanye aku dapat gaji RM2k, blanje RM2.5k.. x ke rugi tu.. so... ape yang aku dh buat utk nak run "business" aku skarang? well.. x banyak lagi.. "business" aku baru je setup ni... "business" sebelum ni dah tutup dah.. hehehehe first skali yang aku dah buat, is the set the target.. ape target aku?

   kete besar?

   rumah besar?

   bini besar?

bukan.. bukan... kete besar? aku dah ade.. rumah besar? rumah parents aku dah cukup besar dah.. bini besar?? hahahaha aku tgk isteri aku tu, kalo makan banyak mane pon, aku rase x kan membesar.. aku yang membesar adela.. target aku adalah utk duit byk.. hehehehe x spesifik langsung.. ade spesifiknye.. tapi.. rahsia..

ok.. target utk "bisnes" aku dh ade.. skang utk planning.. short term plan aku, aku nak kasi "bisnes" aku ni ade untung skit bulan2.. so.. maknenye, aku kne start simpan la. plus.. aku buat keep track aku nye expenses daily, macam yang pernah aku ckp sebelum ni... aku kne pastikan blanje aku x lbh dari aku nye pendapatan.. so.. short term objective aku adalah tk simpan at least 20k dalam 5 years ni.. selain dari tu, short term aku yang lain adalah utk menghapuskan sume loan2, hutang2, credit cards yang aku ade... ni aku bajet akan berjaya project utk 10 years plan (byk tu hutang2 aku, kalo korang tgk, pengsan.. hehehe)..

long term planning aku? hehehe aku nak start invest... diversified investment.. properties, stocks and others (include bisnes).. ade yang boleh start dah, tp aku tangguhkan dulu sebab aku nak achieve aku nye short term plan dulu utk kestabilan "bisnes" aku.. yang penting skang, aku kuatkan asas aku, baru plan utk branch out..

so.. aku harap "bisnes" aku ni berjaya... kalo ade sape2 nak bg modal free kat "bisnes" aku ni, jgn segan silu.. hahahahaha boleh aku achieve target aku awal2..

banyak tul aku tulis utk entry ni.. tu la.. bosan punye pasal... ok.. to be continued..

ok... just as the title goes, i'm just going to explain a bit on that part.. hehehe I think 2008 will be a new start to my life... especially after everything that has happened in 2007.. all the memories, good or bad, will be refreshed this year.. I hope.. but there are still some trails of the problems and pain i have badly wanted to forget.. 

now.. the reason for me to say it's a new start because of 3 things... conciousness, job, family... ok.. let me start with conciousness... you may think, "what the heck is this guy talking about?".. well, the conciousness that i had was toward money management.. before this, it had never ever crossed my mind on the subject.. I had never cared to bother about my spending and the use of my credit cards.. now.. i'm suffering real bad... hehehehe lucky i managed to wake up early, although i could had started sooner.. i'm became more concious about the things that i spent for and for once i had been tracking all of my expenses (even to the last sen.. hahaha).. i had discovered that i could actually saved money if i can cut down on my 'unexpected' expenses.. i had learn to stop buying things on impulse as it could affect my budget.. hahahaha now i'm a stingy young man... but it's for the good.. especially for the future to come.. jeng.. jeng.. jeng..

second thing is job... now, what about my job? do i get promoted? hahahaha nope... never in my lifetime am i going to get promoted as long as i stay in my cuurent job.. no matter how good i am, if i dont learn how to butt kiss the boss, i wont get promoted.. and as stubborn as i am, i will never stoop to that low-of-a-level and butt kiss or sweet talk the boss. i just simply wont... NEVER!!! now that's clear, the good news is that i'm going to resign my crappy job (which is like hell) and go to a new one.. well, one might say "what if you gets out the lions den just to be discovered that you're in a tigers cage?" hahahaha that's a chance i'm willng to take.. as long as i can get out of this place, it should be fine... hehehehe but then.. i kind of feel that the new job would be better.. i dont care about doing tons and tons of work, but its the work environment that i'm after... just imagine this, even when i'm not yet joined the new company, i had already known some of the people there and that a colleague can come up to me and kind of having small talks.. she even ask my shirt size.. maybe its for a company shirt or something... so... where am i going off to??? hahahahahaha do you really need to know?

third thing... family... any good news?? jeng...jeng..jeng... my wife is 14 weeks pregnant... could any other news be much better than that?? of course not.. last monday we went for an ultrasound scan of the baby... he's so cute... yep.. i repeat.. HE's so cute.. but then it is still not yet 100% sure that the baby is a he... so there.. to my friends who read this, this is like a hint for you guys.. hehehe but then, even through all the happiness for the news, i had to be prepared for what's to come.. lucky, i had already started to budget for the future.if not, i dont think it will be easy for us... 

so... that's the 3 things that makes me feel like starting over this year.. i hope i can because like I said before, the trails of the yesterdays still remained.. i had to find a way to actually solve it (boleh ke ni? mcm susah je...) or i could just ignore it and run away from the problem... which ever that i choose, i know it will be for the good of the future and not for some 2-3 hours of peace.. wish me luck...

It has been like forever since i've updated this blog.... i think my last update was waaaayyyy back in 2006... it's been so long... so... what has happened for the past years??? a lot... happy times, sad times, down times, angry and mad times, and feel-like-kicking-n-killing-people times.... ok... let me just tell you guys about my happy times... hehehe just to make it easier to digest for eveybody... hehehe

ok... 24 January 2007 (betul ke ni?? lupe la.. nini.. jgn marah... hehehe) marked my engagement to the girl of my dreams... some might say, "what's a big deal with that? It's not like you're married or something".. well.. its a really big deal for me.. just imagine, a guy who doesnt have that much luck with girls finally getting engaged. weird huh?? well.. what happened that day? according to malay tradition, during the discussion for the engagement, i'm not allowed to be there.. so... i kind of sit out of it. but of course, everything to be discussed that day had already been discussed before informally.. that day was more like a publice annoucement, to make it a bit more formal.. hehehe all of my family was there (both sides of  mum n dad).. i promised to the girl's family that only about 30 of my relatives were coming, but we came slightly a bit more than that number of 60 people... hahahaha it was a mess.. hahaha can u imagine how short of food that day were.. I only get to eat some of the food.. kesian...

ok.. now, we move on to 26 August 2007... the special day, the "nikah" day.. for those who doesnt know what that's mean, it just literally meant my wedding day... just like any other guys, i cant really remember that day... hehehehe all i remember was that I said the "akad" or vows in the morning(btul ke? x igt gak, hahahaha) and were witness by, again, over 60 people consist of my relatives and friends... we were outnumbering my wife's side 3 to 1.. hahahaha the "akad" was good but i remember that my wife n friends were saying that the lafaz was really fast.. it even startled the Tok Kadi... hahaha at least i did the lafaz only once... terrerr la tu... hehehe i heard that the day before me, a guy did 7 times for the lafaz.. just imagine if i were him... i'll be sweating to death in the mosque out of shame... after the "akad" at the mosque, all of us went to my wife's home for some food... hehehe again... as expected, the food was not enough... there were not enough food even for my wife and I.. funny haa...

that day we were like celebrities... taking pictures almost every minute and anywhere we could possibly think of.. in the bedroom, the living room, outside of the house... we even took pictures outdoor... a nice landscape with waterfalls and rivers as the background.. the place was far.. we even have to go through some orang asli's(native people) village to get to the place... but... the funny thing is that.. there were so many people there... imagine this, a couple with a complete set of traditional malay clothing (macam hang tuah n puteri tu..hahahahaha).. all eyes were on us as we're the only odd couple there...despite all of the embarassment, we survived the humiliation and manage to get some decent shot.. hahaha

ok... now that's over, next was on 17 & 24 November 2007 (kali ni kompem btul.. yg ni aku plg igt skali...hehehe).. these dates were when my wife n i held our wedding ceremony, 17th at her place, 24th at my place... let me start with my wife's place first... the ceremony was held in a community hall in Rawang.. the ceremony was quite lavish i could say... the "pelamin" was perfect.... except... the bloody backdrop colour was the same as our clothing's colour - yellow... what effect does a yellow backdrop gives to a yellow clothing you might ask.. well, easy.. i call it the "chameleon effect".. just imagine, the pengapit were much more visible than we were... heck... even the bunga paha were more visible than us.. tension.... hahahaha it's such a waste since our clothing were once published in the Pengantin Magazine...

24th November 2007... my place... the ceremony was even bigger.. held at my house.. there were numerous VIPs and VVIPs with Datuks, Dato's, Tan Sris.. however, we managed to handle all of them. for the ceremony, we both prepared in different houses (neighbours' house), we both took one.. the best thing about these house was that both has water features.. my wife's preparation place (btul ke bunyinye? mcm lain je..) was equipped with a swimming pool, while mine has a wonderful fish pond... so... we both took pictures at our "own" water features... hahahaha ok.. our wedding ceremony start of with a silat group performing their skills... they were so amazing, they even fought a live battle... after that was the sanding... we managed to sit n smile for hours(well.. we've already practiced before - at my wife's place).. food was nice but again, we failed to savour it as we've been warned to eat like kings n queens.. no nasi tambah and no exta servings.. just how cruel can it gets?? hahahahaha after every thing was over, we took ever more pictures... at night we've got the dinner ceremony... we cut cakes, eat more foods, open prizes and again, ever took more pictures (i'm getting quite tired of writing all this... hehehehe jgn marah..).. i never thought i could take so much pictures all my life...

welll.... as promised, that's some of the happy times that i've been through.. there's more to come... but that is another story.... hehehehe

lately my head is full of questions... weird, unrelated and stupid question.. something that i know i should deal with as quick as i can or its going to eat me slowly... i think about it almost everytime. its almost like im suddenly drifted to another place.. where i left everything behind me...

everytime the thinking happens, i usually get confused... once my friend ask me a question.. "plan ko ahad ni gi muar..so, kalo x jd?" and my answer to that question is "aku gi pagi kot, pastu blk ptg..." my friend was laughing his head off when he heard my answer.... so weird... i didnt answer his question at all... i dont know what im thinking that time... my mind was someplace else. where that place is? i cant explain it... 

last week was probably one of the best weeks that ive ever had... its like everything was going according to what i planned and hoped... its almost too easy. so.. will the results from what had happen  last week going to be according to plan also?? i hope so... because i wish last week never ends.. hehehehehhe to people who knows what im talking about... thank you... youre the best for giving me support.. hahahahahaha...

tomorrow is going to be my cousin's engagement ceremony.. she's having it at my house.. so we need to do some(or quite a lot) spring cleaning so that the guest wont be offended by our messy house.. hehehehehehhehe so its been a very tiring day today. waking up at 7. went to muar. come back at around 5. reached home at 7. and then spring cleaning... mmm.... what a busy day... 

well... my eyes are just barely open right now.. i need to get some shut eye.. okep.. adios........  

last sunday was quite a day... it all started at 7 o'clock in the morning.. i was still sleeping to compensate for the late sleep i had the night before... i got a call from my mom... she told me that my great aunt (i dont know if this is correct or not, but roughly translated would be nenek sedara) has just passed away. innalillah... i was so surprised. i didnt expect she would go so early...

so, i had to rush to Sg. Tua from Bangi at 8.00 am... well not exactly 8 am. it was more like 9.++ am.. hahaha i arrived and saw there was a gathering of people.. my mom (that had arrived much sooner) told me that the body was being "mandi mayat" and that my father was having breakfast at a nearby stall... so i went there to have breakfast. what a nice breakfast it was...

just to make the story short... after all the ceremony (sembahyang jenazah, tanam and tahlil) was done, our family had a short meeting.... i looked at my great uncle (again, i dont know if this is correct or not, but roughly translated would be datuk sedara) and saw that he was laughing... no.. he is not happy with his wife's death.. but instead he was holding everything inside... but once in a while i saw him staring at no where, lost in his own thoughts..

just what is he thinking?? is he thinking about his past or his future? the nostalgic moments with his wife or living life without his wife?? it really make me feel like crying for him.. hahahahha... sedih maa.... cannot tahan... but i managed to keep cool..

so.. what will anyone think at that time?? if it was up to me... i would be thinking about both... it will be tiring but i know i will do that... hahahahha but what does all this have to do with the title?? nothing.. hahhahahaha its just that... is serenity only comes to us after we go?? can we have it now?? i know its possible.. but getting it is not as easy as one might think...

now... how can we live in serenity?? in a stress free world?? especially with our hectic lives and our ongoing jobs.... it is so hard to get that.... but still... success only comes to those who deserves it...

okep... till here shall our short journey ends... hope its been interesting...  and to those muslims who read this entry, can you guys "sedekahkan" al-fatihah to my nenek sedara.. thanks.... hahahaha and before i forgot, here is something i did when i was bored... thanx to optix for the original pics... adioss....

now... i think the title speaks for itself. dont know how to explain it, dont want to explain it.... so paham2 sendiri la... busy as hell, money gone like water, but theres still some hope in me... a lifeless zombie with something to look forward to.

but is it worth it??? thats the question here... im still trying to figure out the consequences of it... is the only hope left in me is the thing that im looking for?? or am i just chasing a shadow in the dark?? who knows... im still trying to understand it... i hope that this shine of light is not like the sunlight before the rain.... i hate rain sometimes... they causes traffic jams... i hate traffic jams.... but that is another story...

ok.. that's it for now.. been busy.. no time and no idea to post here... so this is it for now.. adioss........

so.. again i have able to come up with yet another stupid title which represents also nothing and absolutely something at the same time.... hahahhahaha what am i talking??? i dont know.. i dont actually have the time to explain it but thats what i feel like doing right now.....

what's the deal with masks anyway??? why are wearing them?? why does we have to pretend to be someone we're not??? why does so many people claim to be honest when they're not??? and why do we sometimes wear masks even when we dont want to??? and why does im thinking about masks anyway??? and what the hell is the masks have anything to do with me??? well..... I dont know... or simply, I just dont want to know......

so can we say we are who we are?? or are we just able to say that we'll try our best to be who we are??? to be or not to be? bertubi2.... aku pon dh pening...

hahahahahhaha.... this entry is just a piece of what i've been thinking lately... understanding of the entry is abstract and can be interpreted to many different answers.... so.. enjoy... think straight and live well... i know i haven't...... appreciate what you've got and never let it goes to waste.... 

well.. thats it.... adios...................................................................